As we pass through the many stages of life we reach a point where we engage in more reflective thoughts, part of which we seek to gather knowledge and information as to how best to move forward. As a kid everything has a specific and almost preordained path: kindergarten, elementary school, junior high, high school, college and then a mixture of marriage, family, and graduate school all the way to middle age. At this point once the offspring have left the nest, it's an open road, a white canvas.
As your elderly relatives pass away, you now begin to "do the math" and remember what and why they did what they did at your age today. As a kid you may have thought about why Uncle Bob did or said those crazy and unusual things that befuddled you. Reflecting on what you thought were strange and bizarre decisions made by your now deceased elders today now don't seem as such because today you face similar challenges and are forced to make choices.
As someone older and wiser with life experience, you realize that they made tough decisions under the circumstances with limited or imperfect information with a huge dose of emotion thrown into the mix. And ultimately they made the best decision because they acted even if the results were imperfect.
Today you have greater appreciation, less frustration and more forgiving of their supposed faux pas because now you understand the pressures they faced. What seemed crazy to you as a kid was logical for them. The adage of "I'm turning into my parents" runs far deeper than personality quirks.
With respect to vices, perhaps those pressures induced your elders to drink too much. Today you're his age and you may indulge in your own vices to "ease the pain" such as relying on prescription drugs, or maybe even dabbling in controlled substances. The road as to how he reached that stage and how you did is eerily similar. The regret of missed opportunities your elders had and what you missed are different but the regret and disappointment are the same.
On the bright side you realize why so many of the little things meant so much to your elders the way they now mean to you. It's easy to judge elders as a youngster because you have few, if any, responsibilities and nothing to compare it to. And as a very young person, you don't realize how little time your elders had left compared to the long, open road you had before you. It may not have been enough to cherish their presence during their brief time with you but you remember at least some of their wisdom and why you must cherish every moment of yours.
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